What is Marriage? - Biblical Basis

So far we have examined the biological basis of marriage. We'll address the Biblical basis next, and then the cultural basis as the Biblical will provide an information base for the cultural aspects.

Is this important for non-Christians to understand? Yes. Because if one does not understand these basic points, one will tend to respond to straw men arguments instead of the true Biblical model. Also, a lack of understanding here will fail to see how well the Biblical basis blends with the biological one discussed last time.

Unfortunately many of the straw men have been promoted by Christians themselves, so one can hardly fault non-Christians for arguing against them. Some of them I would argue against as well. So it is most critical that Christians reexamine what marriage is based upon Biblical principles rather than from pop theology.

To that end, we will look first at God's design, then the theological design, and end with some conclusions.

God's Design for Marriage

The most complete snapshot of God's intentions in creating marriage, and what it is, is from the words of Jesus Christ Himself.

And there came unto him Pharisees, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? trying him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. But Jesus said unto them, For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of the creation, Male and female made he them. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh: so that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mar 10:2-9 ASV)

Jesus takes this opportunity to quote Genesis 2:24. The two shall become one flesh. Note this refers to "flesh." This is a physical union. So much so that Jesus says they are no longer "two, but one flesh." This reflects two main truths about this marital union, that is, the basis for marriage from the Biblical perspective.

Sexual intercourse unites a man and woman into one flesh. This is at the heart of marriage. Jesus makes this clear in the next verses following the above:

And in the house the disciples asked him again of this matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her: and if she herself shall put away her husband, and marry another, she committeth adultery. (Mar 10:10-12 ASV)

We'll get to the issues of divorce and adultery later. For now, Jesus is clarifying for His disciples about his comments to the people quoted earlier. For He said, "What God has joined together, let not man put asunder." How is that done? Certainly not by a piece of paper.

Instead, Jesus shows that the way such a union is broken asunder is by committing adultery: to have sexual intercourse with someone other than one's spouse. His whole argument with the Pharisees is based on the fact that when a physical union is sealed through sex, it is "torn asunder" when adultery, having sex with another, is committed.

St. Paul also has this in mind when he said, "Or know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body? for, The twain, saith he, shall become one flesh." (1Co 6:16 ASV)

Clearly, from a Biblical standpoint, and from God's perspective, sexual intercourse joins two people into one flesh—no matter how serious the two people take it. Not needed is a legal certificate saying you're married. It is not needed that you live together. It is not needed that anyone thinks or believes you are united in marriage, even the couple themselves. Even a marriage ceremony is not needed. By the act of sexual intercourse, from God's perspective, the two are joined into one. Even if it is merely a harlot you pay to have a one-night stand with.

This is why premarital sex is an oxymoron. There is no such animal. When you have sex, you are marrying that person. Sex is a marital forming act. As we noted in the biological basis, one can live together, share expenses, be the most intimate of friends, but without that sexual union, it is simply good friends living together. Sexual union forms the basis of joining the two into one, and therefore the core beginning of a family.

And therefore, according to Jesus, when you have sex with another person after joining to a spouse, you are tearing asunder that bond created with the first, save if the other spouse has committed adultery before you. Standing before a minister, many think they are getting married for the first time. Yet if they have "sown their wild oats" before that ceremony, they are deceived. They've already been married and committed adultery with as many people as they have had sex with.

It is clear from Jesus' words that God's design was for us to join with one person, and not tear that asunder by uniting to another. But due to our fallen condition, our hardness of heart, deviation from the ideal is treated in an attempt to provide healing.

Creating one flesh is fulfilled literally in the offspring of sexual acts. As we noted in the biological basis, it is the potential creation of children inherent in the act of sexual union that provides for the uniting factor. What more literal fulfillment of the two becoming one is there than in the children produced from that sexual union? Both husband and wife's DNA, united into a new person. The child is literally the one flesh of the two.

Without this potential reality, sex would not be uniting. It is the mingling of the two's seed that at the same time provides for the possibility of children, and the two becoming one flesh through the act designed to give birth to new life. Without that fact, sex would only be one more way among many options to have a good time.

Jesus, with these words, links the biological design of God with God's design and purpose. The two are fully synced into one reality. Participating in sexual intercourse with someone is tantamount to saying to them, "I want to have your children and create a family with you." Because that is the purpose of doing that act. The potential is always there each time sexual union happens, no matter the reason the couple is doing it.

I know, there is the pill, and abortion. Since the 1960s, people have had the option to get rid of the purpose of sex: children. If the pill or other modes of contraception don't prevent a pregnancy, there is always the option to kill the child before it can escape the womb. Be that as it may, it doesn't change the nature of the act to make it non-uniting. The fact is, whether a person ever has a child or not, the act unites the two into one flesh simply because that is what the act is designed to do biologically as God created it.

One union, not torn asunder. That is God's design for marriage. Have we violated that ideal? If statistics are anywhere close, a clear majority of the readers of this blog have not followed that prescription, for whatever reason. This does not mean it is the end of the world. There is healing and forgiveness. But it is oh, so easy to take the fallen state and want to make that "normal" because we'd rather not face our guilt than acknowledge it and deal with it openly.

God's Theological Intent for Marriage

St. Paul makes it clear that our marriage is an image of our union with God.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church. (Eph 5:31-32 ASV)

Prior to these verses, St. Paul speaks of how husbands and wives should show love for one another, and each one is related to Christ and His bride, the Church, the Body of Christ. St. Paul says, "for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ also the church; because we are members of his body." (Eph 5:29-30 ASV)

As one body, we are united to Christ in baptism. (Romans 6:5) And that bride is to be presented to Christ in the next life. (Revelations 19:7) What we have now in human marriage is a shadow of that union. As Jesus prayed, we'd become one with Him. (John 17:21-23) Therefore our union with each other in marriage is an image of our union with God.

As such, it is meant to reflect that ideal. What image does sexual union with more than one person create? Multiple gods? Switching from one god to another? Likewise, what picture does uniting with multiple people for the sole purpose of having a good time paint? Union to God isn't to be taken seriously? Is for our own selfish fulfillment? Everything centers around us and not Him?

This is why St. Paul instructs Timothy and Titus that a bishop and deacon should only be from those who only had one wife. (1 Timothy 3:2, 12, Titus 1:6) Even for the office of widow, among other criteria, they had to be the wife of one husband. (1 Timothy 5:9) Because those ministering as the hands and feet of Christ among the people should reflect a proper theological marriage to God through their earthly marriage. They had to conform to God's design specs in order to represent Him in an official capacity.

Is divorce allowed? Is remarriage allowed after divorce? After the death of a spouse? Yes. According to Christ, due to our hardness of heart, our fallen condition, the ideal design specs that Christ presents is often not achieved and allowance is made.

But it is still the design specs Christ gives as the Christian understanding of marriage. Sexual union unites us into one flesh with another. Sexual union with another causes us to commit adultery with the first, and so on down the line, save when adultery has already been committed by the other spouse. Or by the death of a spouse, in St. Paul's opinion, though he encourages them to not remarry. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

We will examine divorce and adultery in more detail later. Here we note this indicates God's original design spec is "a man and a woman" joined in marriage for life through the action of creating children, whether or not any children are ever brought forth. In this, the biological basis for marriage that syncs with the Biblical basis for marriage. God considers such a union, a marriage, and not to be torn asunder by sexual union with another.

Next time we'll examine the cultural basis for marriage.

House Cleaning, God Style

Not too many people enjoy cleaning. Yet my wife cleans houses for a living. Being unemployed the last several months, I've been helping her when she needs it. While it is a little physically demanding for an aging man like myself, it is doable. But every once in a while we get a "special" job.

Such a job came up last Saturday. A client's father had died and the client had done some refurbishing to the house: new ceiling, carpet, and some other work. But not everything had been cleaned up from the move out. So the job had the worst of both types: move out and new construction.

Like most move outs, we had to clean everything. Vacuum out the drawers and shelves. Since they had installed a new ceiling, a visible layer of dust coated everything. And I mean everything! Small rocks lay on the fireplaces. The freezer needed extensive cleaning. The bathtubs, especially one, had crud that needed scraping out. Fun, fun, fun!

On most of these jobs, I get the floor duty. I'd say about 90% of the house was carpeted, with brand new carpet. Did you catch that? Brand new pile carpet! Do you know what that means? I didn't until I started vacuuming.

You see, new pile carpet isn't dirty. But, it is fuzzy. Extremely fuzzy. We use a bagless canister vacuum (luckily). We would have gone through several bags if we hadn't. For each bedroom, I had to empty the canister at least twice. Full of dirt? No, full of carpet fuzz. I must have emptied it out at least 5 or 6 times in the living room. Lots and lots of carpet fuzz! I never realized that new carpets were so full of loose fuzz.

It took both of us working a full 6.5 hours to clean the house, for a total combined 13 hours of work. We were tired, to say the least. And hungry! We'd hardly eaten more than a 6" sub all day. So eight o'clock at night, we went out to eat before heading home, and refueled. Long Saturday!

He texted my wife today. "Great job! Thanks." Another satisfied customer. Not to mention the pay was good. Now he can show the house and sell it. And we can pay some more bills.

The surprise? I expected to be sore the next day as my back was hurting after we finished. But I felt good. While I can't say, "Oh, I love cleaning houses!" I do feel a sense of satisfaction at a job well done. And the joy of spending the whole day with my wife.

Come to think of it, isn't that our motivation with God? Why we "buffet our bodies" and spend time worshiping Him? Because we love Him, and want to spend time with Him, and He deserves it? I think that is part of letting your light shine so that He may be glorified. Whatever you do, do all for the glory of God. Wise words to keep in mind whether we're cleaning a house, worshiping, or writing a novel.

How do you glorify God in your daily activities?

The Pain of Paradise

Josh breathed heavily as he lugged an urn of water into the clearing. Milnore's black house lay in the center of it, surrounded by axes, grass cutters, a small plow, and a wooden storage shed toward the back. Green, knee-high grass surrounded the small house.

Milnore exited the house. "Josh, I'm going to town for supplies. Finish filling the water urns and then work on your transport spell."

Josh groaned. "Master, I've practiced that spell hundreds of times. Can't we do something else?"

Milnore stopped his progress toward the trail and turned toward Josh. "Basics first, my apprentice. You have to know it so well that you can do it without thinking."

Josh sighed. He mumbled the words of the spell he'd been taught. His perspective shifted from the edge of the clearing to the porch of the house. "How's that, Master? Now can we move on?"

Milnore stroked his beard. "Not bad. But there was a slight delay in recalling the words. Keep working on it." The wizard turned to continue his journey to town.

Josh shook his head as he let out a breath. "This may be the only spell I ever learn."

"Then learn it well," returned the wizard's voice from the forest.

Josh opened the door and entered. He wound around the couch perpendicular to the fireplace, and set the urn of water next to its companions by the kitchen basin. He turned to get a drink of water before practicing his spell when he noticed a book lying on the kitchen table.

He stepped toward it, and examined the open page. The title at the top said, "Revealing Aura Spell."

Josh raised his eyebrows. "This is Milnore's spell book!" The wizard always kept it hidden. He must have been using it and forgot to put it away before leaving.

Josh flipped the page. "Mental Communication Spell" labeled the page. "Cool. I could use that with Sisko at some point." He grabbed some paper and ink, then copied it down, and stuffed it in his vest pocket.

He flipped through a few more pages until he read, "Visit Parallel Worlds Spell." Josh widened his eyes. "Really? There are parallel worlds we can visit?" He studied the words.

Then he read, "Warning, remember the following words to return from the spot you entered: Reverse the last spell I uttered. Which means, you can't cast any spells in between."

Josh smiled. "I can do this. I'll just go there and come back. What could go wrong?" He read over the spell, memorizing the words.

Once he thought he had it down well enough, he stepped back and stood straight. He whispered, "Worlds of old and times abound, pick one for visiting today, we pray."

The furniture of Milnore's house vanished. Trees and dense foliage replaced them. Birds tweeted happy songs as wind grazed the grass and leaves of the trees.

Josh gazed at the wonder. Every tree, every branch, every leaf, shown as if it had a light of its own. Indeed, he could see no sun in the sky, but light existed around everything.

"Where am I?" he wondered aloud.

"Paradise," a hissing voice said behind him.

Josh turned to see a long lizard-looking creature wrapped around the branch of a tree. Its tiny claws held tightly to stems. Its face flared when it talked.

The creature moved closer. "Would you like to partake of my tree? It is delicious and will make you the most powerful wizard ever."

Josh stared at the fruit of the tree. "Really?" It did look enticing. It begged to be eaten. "How can it do that?"

"By making you like God, the most powerful wizard of all."

The most powerful. That was tempting. Josh shrugged. It was just a piece of fruit. Worst that could happen, he'd eat some food. Best, he'd become the most powerful wizard ever.

He reached out to pick some of the luscious fruit.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you," a new voice rang out.

Josh jerked his head around to see a man clothed in bright light walk toward him. Josh had to squint. "Who are you?"

"I am man. Don't eat of that tree. It is commanded by my creator to not eat of it."

Josh reached and grabbed one of the fruits. "What's the harm? It's just fruit, isn't it? Why can't we eat of it?"

The radiant man waved a hand at Josh. "Because, the creator said the day we eat of it, we shall surely die."

The lizard hissed. "Surely you shall not die."

Josh realized not only where he was, but what time. "I don't think that is a good idea." He withdrew his hand from the fruit.

The lizard flicked its tongue and slid out of the tree, and fell on Josh, wrapping himself around Josh. "Take me to your world."

"I think you're already there." Josh mumble the words of the transport spell. His perspective shifted to further away from the tree. The long lizard fell to the ground, then climbed back onto the tree.

Josh gasped. "I've done another spell! I can't get back."

The man lifted his hands. "We're in paradise. Why the desire to go back?"

He did have a point. And yet..., "Sorry. I don't belong here. I need to get back to my world and time."

Josh rubbed his forehead. "Maybe if I do it twice?" He opened his mouth and stopped. "Wait a minute. If I do that twice, it will only undo the undo spell." Josh stomped his foot on the ground. "I'm trapped here!"

The man shrugged. "Not a bad place to be trapped."

"But you don't understand. Look at me? Do I look like part of this world?"

The bright human rubbed his chin. "You are clothed with something other than light. Why is that? We're you not created?"

Josh smiled. "Uh, long story." He snapped his fingers. "At least I can stop it. I can change history."

The man cocked his head to the side. "Change history? What is history?"

Josh pointed at him. "Right, you don't have much of it yet."

A rolling thunder shook the ground and caused the trees to sway. But in the midst of the noise, Josh could hear a voice say, "Josh, where are you?" A brilliant light grew as the being approached. Josh cringed at the sound of the voice, and shielded his eyes. The pain grew unbearable, so he ran to a fig tree and ducked into its leaves. He gripped the trunk, and shut his eyes, praying he wouldn't die.

"Josh, what have you done? Why are you here?"

Josh tried to steady his shaking body, to no avail. "I'm sorry, Lord. I can't get back."

"Use 'next to the last.'"

Josh almost opened his eyes, but slammed them shut. It was all he could do to not focus on the pain searing his body. He'd have serious burns if he survived this. "I don't understand, Lord." He hated asking the question, for he couldn't bear the thunderous voice speaking to him.

"In your spell, Josh. Next to last."

"Oh!" Josh winced from the sound of His voice. "Good idea, Lord."

The pain vanished. Josh cracked his eyes open. The blazing light no longer filled the area. He relaxed his grip on the tree, though his arms and legs still shook from the experience.

The shinning man spread the fig leaves apart and stuck his head in. "Of course it's a good idea. He is God, after all."

Josh stood on shaking legs and pushed his way into the clearing. "I thought I was going to die." He examined his arms. "Why, I don't even have as much as a sunburn."

The man's forehead wrinkled. "Have you already eaten from the tree before?"

"Who? Me?" Josh stretched his fingers and arms, attempting to get the shakes out. "Not really. Well, in a manner of speaking, you could say I did, through..." Josh froze for a second. "It's a really long, long story. So long, it would take at least 66 books to tell it all."

The man crossed his arms. "You are a strange fellow. What is a book?"

Josh bowed. "You'll find out." Josh shook his hand. "Thanks for your help. I'll take my leave now." Josh stood straight. "Reverse the next-to-the-last spell I uttered." The forest vanished and Milnore's kitchen reappeared before him. Josh let out a long breath. "Whew. That was close."

"I don't think we've finished with close yet."

Josh turned to see Milnore sitting on the couch, his arms crossed. Josh hung his head. "Sorry, Master. I shouldn't have gone there."

"What did I tell you to do?"

Josh stared at the floor. "I did do a transport spell while there. Quite nicely, if I do say so myself."

Milnore nodded. "The Hebrew word for man is 'adam'."

Josh stared at the wizard. "You know where I went?"

Milnore smiled. "Of course. Don't you think I tried it myself once. I nearly ate the fruit."

Josh nodded. "If it had not been for Adam, I would have too."

"Remember that. Spells you are not ready for can bring about nasty curses."

Josh nodded. "Yes, sir." But he did meet God in person and still lived. That was an experience he'd never forget. And didn't want to repeat, at least until he was ready for it.